goodness.

Well, if life could ever feel normal, it does now...as if my life is ever normal. I've finally settled into my fabulous house, started getting in the routine of school/work/friends/life in general, and actually learning how to semi balance it all. I have to admit, I'm enjoying life as of now probably more than I ever have before. It literally seems like the Lord's goodness never stops! I have been able to, for the first time in a long time, genuinely say with a huge smile "SO GOOD!" when someone asks me how I'm doing. It's pretty refreshing to say the least. But today, I saw a friend on campus who asked me how I was. I was happy to answer "SO SO GOOD!" and, he replied that there are 47 synonyms for good in Webster's dictionary, and I should really considering spicing up my answer a bit. And you know, he's right. Because I really am so much more than good. Good really does fail as an adjective to describe my current state.


So, to all of you who are wondering.....I am pleasant, fine, acceptable, admirable, agreeable, capital, choice, commendable, congenial, deluxe, excellent, exceptional, favorable, first-class, first-rate, gnarly, gratifying, great, honorable, marvelous, neat, nice, pleasing, positive, precious, prime, rad, recherché, reputable, satisfactory, satisfying, select, shipshape, sound, spanking, splendid, sterling, stupendous, super, super-eminent, super-excellent, superb, superior, tip-top, up to snuff, valuable, welcome, and wonderful.

I love it! But more than being good...I wanna start thinking good too!!

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Philippians 4:6

It's actually really fun. I can think of so many things that are true and noble and right and lovely...and we're actually commanded to just think about them! Like chocolate chip cookies, rain, encouraging texts, a great cup of coffee, an epic conversation, sleeping in, laughing, slacklining, Wii Dance, puppy fur, nachos, dancing, fireplaces, cute shoes, new songs, candles, coke floats, reuniting with old friends, Mozart, ultimate frisbee in the dark with glowsticks, winks, weddings, pot-luck lunches, football, babies' smiles, hilarious videos, roses, raspberry tea, and learning new things!



So much goodness, so little time. Thank you Jesus.

live.

I've found myself marveling lately at the way life changes. The way things turn out ways I never would have thought or imagined. I've come to realize that my expectations are rarely right, and that my thoughts on the way a situation should play out are seldom the way it works. I'm learning to love the journeys the Lord is taking me on, and to appreciate every circumstance that is placed in my life. I am beginning to love unexpectedness, and starting to enjoy the fact that I have no clue what my life is supposed to look like. Trusting the Lord is actually becoming fun. I'm craving adventure more and more. I'm loving new experiences, and still enjoying the typical ones. I really like learning about myself and who I am...I really enjoy discovering myself as God sees me. I like listening to new music, and laying on a couch all morning talking to Jesus. These couple of weeks in my new house before school starts has allowed many opportunities to take in life in ways I've never been able to before. I've gotten to lay in bed and giggle and have all kinds of heart-to-hearts with my roommates, stay up late talking and not worry cause I have nothing to do the next day, have lots of time in the mornings to lay around and eat cereal for as long as I want. This definitely won't last...my reality will start again in a week, so I'm enjoying this for all it's worth. But you know, as someone who has always really hated change, life still changes, and it's starting to be fun. Seasons aren't forever...thank GOD! So, I guess all I'm really getting at is that I'm taking life with a grain of salt. It's way better that way.




PS.

influence.

So, this is a pretty old article, but it sums up Case pretty well I'd say. As football season begins to role around again, and all the hype starts back up again, I'd love for everyone to understand Case's heart behind it all. He's not just a football player, he's an ambassador of Christ. And for that, I love him.


http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/sports/college/houston/6708259.html




in·flu·ence   –noun
1. the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others

simplicity.

welll dear friends, it's been quite a long time since I've been so excited about life. The brink of a new season is always an exciting place to be. Summer's almost over...which is insane considering it was yesterday that I was pondering what I wanted to come from this summer...right? wow.

Looking back at the way I was looking forward to this summer..I definitely wouldn't say that everything I hoped to accomplish was accomplished, or every goal I set was achieved. This summer has turned out entirely different than I would have hoped or even thought possible. I'm coming to learn the truth of Proverbs 19:21 is true..."many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose prevails." I haven't been learning what I thought I would, I haven't been growing like I thought I would, I haven't had the adventures I'd hoped for. But, despite all this, I am confident that the Lord's purposes have prevailed.

So, through all the emotional days of wildly pursuing Jesus, the times of searching to find the joy in the monotonous journey, and the starving moments of seemingly unending dryness that this summer has brought, the same words of Jesus resonanted in my spirit.

"My dearest Lauren, 'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.'"
Romans 12:12-13

He's teaching me you see to be---
joyful in hoping for what seems impossible.
patient when it seems like I'm attacked from every side.
faithful in seeking to understand what stirs God's heart, and pray accordingly.
quick to give, share, and lend, trusting that the God of everything can provide.
always always always doing my best to welcome people, accept people, and compassionately love people with no reservations!


through this, my life will be radically changed.
through this, many lives will be eternally impacted.
through this, our world will never be the same.


and it's just that simple.

at the cross

Take a few minutes today, and worship Jesus. It's fun :)

i won't despise

well, another monday. another beginning to a seemingly endless week. or at least, those were my thoughts waking up this morning. I've found it hard in the midst of a dreadfully dull couple of weeks to find joy and excitement in much of anything. It's hard to find refreshment when it seems like nothing new or fresh is anywhere to be found.

But, thank you Jesus that when hope can't be found, You are the Giver of all good things. And even when all seems hopeless, hope is never far off.

In the midst of all this blandness, I had such a restless spirit. I long for so much more than typical and mediocre, yet those are the only two words I can think of to define the season I'm in. So, I guess I was expecting the only way for anything to change would be some huge, crazy revelation or a major work of God, or maybe a mind blowing experience that will change the course of my life forever. Well, if you've lived for more than 2 years, you know that's not always the case.

A recent look at the life of Nehemiah shows that life is made up in the majority of just walking day by day. I'm sure Nehemiah would not have been opposed in anyway to a huge work or marvelous miracle from God in which all the walls of Jeruselam suddenly reappeared with all the trimings in a massive combustion. But, instead, he chose to diligently work little by little, and to still believe that despite all appearances of God's uninvolvement, He was not far off. His plans were still sure, and his promises were worth depending on.

And so, I wrestled with this. "Ok, Jesus, if step by step is how You've called me to live now, I'll suffer through until I finally get to a season of growth and revelation and excitement!" Hmm..well...I still wasn't satisfied.

On my way to work this morning, I put my ipod on shuffle, asking the Lord to play just what I needed to hear. Funnny. The beautiful voice of Alli Rogers makes its way into my car. Here are the lyrics to the song.

I am afraid of beginning,
cause I don't know how to end.
But you told me that the mountain before us
would become a plain in our eyes.
So I won't despise,
I won't despise the day,
I won't despise the day of small things.

Even when you tell me
oh, even then I'm shaking

Cause I am afraid of believing,
The plans that we make seem so big.
But you've shown me that we're never alone,
and your spirit will stay by our side.
So I won't despise,
I won't despise the day,
I won't despise the day of small things.

Goodness. It's so funny that the 15 millionth time you hear a song can mean more than it did the first. The song is based on a verse in Zechariah that asks, "Who despises the day of small things?" I've read the passage before, and just glanced over it. But it came this time directed right at me, "Lauren, are you despising this day of small things?" Well, yeah, as a matter of a fact I am. And man, that is NOT at all what I want to be doing. I'm desiring only the fabulous end product, the perfect ending, the grand finale, the finished wall of Jeruselam, but despising the small beginnings, the steps to get there, the process, the slow monotonous building. Nehemiah would call me a fool I'm sure.

So, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna follow Nehemiah's lead. I'm gonna start from the ground up. I won't let the fear of beginning hold me back. I'm going to take the Lord at His word; that His plans are real, that He's involved, that He's excited, and begin building. Brick by brick. One hand with a sword if I have to. Building, and rejoicing in the day of small things!



Because, all big things started out small. mmmmmhmmmmmmmmm!!

en to the courage.

So, encouragement is addicting. I love getting it, love love love giving it.

needing some refreshment?
ENCOURAGE SOMEONE!!

feeling a little down about yourself?
ENCOURAGE SOMEONE!!

wanting to see someones life get changed?
ENCOURAGE SOMEONE!!

a bit insecure, are you?
MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FEEL AWESOME! then you'll feel awesome : ) it's win-win!!!

I'm starting to realize how simple, yet necessary DAILY encouragement is. Genuinely looking someone in the eye when they're talking. Smiling at someone you don't really know. Saying "hi" to that person you "sortaknow,metmaybeonce" or that guy who you "usedtoknowreallywellbuthaven'tseeninforever,thisiskindaawkward," or even just a text to that friend you've thought about twice today and haven't talked to in a couple weeks.Seems small, but people loved to be cared about! Love to know that someone is interested. I know I do...and I'm affected by someone who genuinely cares about me. IT MEANS SO MUCH!


Yes, I know what you're thinking at this very moment, I know. "Lame Lauren, I've heard this 20 times." Yes, indeed. I'm in the same boat as you. But seriously, this world is longing for genuine, loving people. It may not know it, but it is. Why shouldn't we, as the Beloved of the most Genuine, in turn be the Genuine to the world!?! I mean, it could really change things.


And I'm all for changing the world.

"but encourage one another daily,
as long as it is called Today."
Hebrews 13:3

truth.

Well lovlies, it's back to the real world for me. The last 2 weeks of my life have been spent in absolute state of unreality, and now, I'm back in Abilene, back to work, and back to my run-and-go normal self. Staying up too late, waking up MUCH too early, packing my day full from sun up to sun down. Welcome gentle people to a day in the life of Lauren Keenum. But, here I am. One thing I've come to realize throughout the last few weeks, is that life is always worth enjoying. No matter what season, no matter how much or how little is going on, no matter how much I actually feel like enjoying; it's worth it to enjoy! So, even while I sit behind this boring grey desk in my biz-cas pants; answering phones, putting stamps on envelopes, and taking payments (which I still have NO idea how to do!!!!) I will enjoy every minute!!

Lately my days have been filled with a consistent battle to choose truth. Truth about who I am, truth about who God is, truth about what He is saying. Why is it always a battle to believe God? You see, the truth can sometimes be tricky..and yet so simple. You believe the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But see, sometimes I get caught in believing part of the truth, some of the truth, a little of the truth. Well, part of the truth is simply not the truth. Part of the truth is..well, a lie. That's it.

Honestly, I came to a point of wondering if it was even worth fighting to believe truth anymore. I mean, really, what is the big deal? Well..

I read this article, if your interested...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-foreman/possessed-by-truth_b_515051.html

anyway, my man Jon is a much deeper thinker than I think I could ever dream to be, but I was struck by the concept of what he was pondering in the article.

"If I view the truth as my possession to keep safe, I might feel the need to protect my faith. But if I am possessed by the truth, perhaps this protection is no longer needed. Maybe I am set free from the need to defend the truth, rather the truth defends me."

So, in reality truth is more than what I believe, truth is who I am. Believing truth is more than just believing a book full of facts about a god who may or may not care about me. No, truth is believing that there is something worth believing in. My God is Truth, and He possesses me, fights for me, and believes for me. When I believe who He is and what He says, the truth becomes who I am. It changes from a fight to believe, to a peace in knowing that the Truth is fighting for me. The truth is my passions, the truth is what I'm living for, the truth is confidence to be who I am.


My God tells me what is true about me and about Him.

And I believe Him.


"The 'truth' of loving those around me, the 'truth' of seeking justice for the oppressed, the 'truth' of a life of service -- these are truths to be possessed by: to be a slave in the service of the kingdom of the heavens, to be the servant of all. If the truths in this life have no owner then we are set free: free from the need to defend the truth, free to be possessed by this truth and simply live it out. Truth becomes much too large for me to possess; truth is the beauty and authenticity which possesses me."

the experience.

So, I'm not gonna promise you that all of my posts from here on out will not be about Mozambique. How could they not be? My life was changed in that beautiful country. I will promise you that I will always write about what's on my heart. And for as long as Moz is on my heart, I'll write about it. Who knows how long that will be...hopefully forever.

So, through an email conversation with our team leader Marilyn, we talked about our time back, the experiences we've had since being home, and what the Lord has done. I shared that crying has become a part of my daily routine since being back in the states. I miss it there...I miss the people, the sunsets, the dancing. But I cry too because of what the Lord did. This is how she replied. It was too epicly perfectly stated to not share.

"Yes, crying…….a condition shared by all Moz teams upon returning home.

It will decrease, but when you least expect it, it all comes back over you….

And suddenly, you are there again. Sometimes it’s the burning trash smell, sometimes the diesel bus exhaust smell,

Or often a small child of African decent – and you see those brown eyes…..

And there they come again.

Tears of joy and tears of sadness – all mixed together.

But to not have experienced it would be a tragedy.

And may you laugh and cry – all at the same time – when you remember our time there;

And all the memories that we will carry with us into life. Hopefully we will live our life differently because of all we’ve experienced."

I cried in Moz, I cry here too. but it's different.
The difference is my tears here don't leave dirt streaks on my face.
It's different here because my tears aren't wiped away by little, caring hands.
The difference is I cried there because I didn't want to leave, I cry now because I want to go back.
I cried there because I could barely take it all in, I cry here because I remember it all with joy.


I won't lie though, I somewhat enjoy crying. I prayed so many times that I wouldn't stop feeling. I don't want to stop, I want to always remember and always feel. I want to always cry. Because while it hurts, that's really not the tragedy. To have not experienced would be the real tragedy.


Thank you Jesus.

as of late.

Hello! and welcome to my life as of late. My days lately have consisted of hours of piddling around the house, looking at pictures over and over and over, drinking lots of coffee, in my favorite mug btw : ), and watching movies rented from the library with my parents every night. It's a refreshing break from the run and go I seem to be addicted to. So, this is my detox time if you will. My "learn how to rest and enjoy the Lord season," as some would put it. So my life?? Here's a glimpse. Some new discoveries, some oldies but goodies, some rediscovered obsessions. All brilliant. All epic ways to spend my time!


Yes, its my brother. On the cover of Dave Campbell's. He's the cute on in the middle. Ballin? Yes


I know, they are blue. Freaked me out too. But seriously, they rock!! They have like way less fat and less salt or something? Certifiedly organic corn!!


Never gets old! Such good chill/lay in bed/think about nothing/just enjoy life music.


Love the movie, now on my 3rd attempt to read the book. Wish me luck. I just can't seem to get enough of Mr. Darcy.


Oh, you know, just the typical library rented movie. We watched this the other night. It's based on the book by Charles Dickens, and, it was very Dickensy to say the least. Semi dark, but all in all a good movie. Now that I sound like moviecritic.com....it's worth watching for sure. Maybe if I get ambitious I'll read the book...ehhh....


One of the awesome missionary's blogs from Moz. She is making her way quickly to the top of my favorite people list. Loveeee Wendy!!!
http://wendymozambique.blogspot.com/

I couldn't help it. This precious baby occupies more of my thoughts than anything else these days. His marble will always remind me to pray for him. I miss him everyday.


Finally, my day isn't complete without my girl Brooke. This song has come to mean more to be in the past few weeks than ever before.



So...enjoy dear friends. Life is good.

Now that I have seen, I am responsible.

So...here I am. I’ve been back in the states for almost a week now. Almost a week…feels like almost a year. Time is so funny like that…

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write about my experiences in Mozambique for almost a week now. I’ve been wanting so badly to share every detail from that beautiful country. But I’ve been too afraid to try. Afraid because I know myself. I know that when I try to write about something that has stirred me like this, all I get is frustrated. I want to be able to put a piece of my heart into these pages, but words have never been enough for me. God is such a big God, he stirs things in me that the English language is incapable of encompassing. But He is a big God, and He is capable of enabling me.

So here’s my feeble attempt to share what God did in Moz.

Maputo, Mozambique. Even just typing the words makes me miss everything about that city. The sand, the smells, the pollution, the crowded buses, the streets full of people, the stares from children at our bus full of white people.

The children’s center where we stayed is a part of Iris Ministries, founded in 1994 by Heidi and Rolland Baker (google them if you’re feeling radical). 300 children live here; abandoned, sick, orphaned, and lovely children. Never have I seen so many beautiful faces in one place at one time. Precious babies, longing for attention from any one who steps one sandy foot into their center.

Day 2 I wrote—Compassion is definitely not for the lighthearted. Broken hearts come for me in this form more than any other way I’d say. But feeling pain here is so much better than not feeling. I praise YOU everyday for my heart of compassion. Thank You that I get to experience this part of Your heart. Keep the tears coming. Stretch my heart to feel more. I want to feel more—love more—laugh more—cry more—play more—dance more. Precious. That’s the only word to describe this place, these people.

And precious is true…the Lord brought to mind Matthew 18:3-4 that says that the children are the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven. Of course they are! I could sense in a way that I never have before the favor and love that Jesus felt toward these people. Watching them pray, dancing before the Lord with them, seeing their hearts of joy despite all circumstance; all I could think over and over again was “This is the kind of heart the Lord desires. This is kind of worship He loves.”


Tears were not a stranger to me in Moz to say the least. Everyday was full of moments where all I could do is sit and watch and cry. But, more often than not, my tears were wiped away by small, dirty hands. Affection is not scarce, that’s for sure.

One such experience, on Sunday morning church—
We sat on little yellow pews waiting for church to start. As usual, kids began latching on. I sat alone, feeling rather discouraged. Do kids not love me today? What’s wrong with me? The girl sitting next to me sat with her back turned to me, refusing even to glance my way. I asked her name and she muttered something I couldn’t understand. Not for long. The music stared and she grabbed my hands, leading me to the aisle. It wasn’t long before I realized that this girl was different. Her feet didn’t work quite right. She struggled down the aisle to the backed, grabbed both my hands and began to dance. Such joy on her face like I have never seen before. She was a new girl! She danced in ways she should have never been able to. Jumping and leaping, clapping and singing. Laughing all the while. We sang “Si Si Si Si Si Senor!” and she taught me all the motions. I have never experienced such joy in worship. Elisa (I finally found out her name!) taught me how to truly worship. She was an abandoned worshiper if I have ever seen one. She knew what Jesus had for her. She knew true joy was found when worshiping her King. That’s where she found freedom. Freedom from troubles of life, from her disability, from all that hinders. She is a free child. A child delighted in by her Daddy.

I realized something in church that Sunday. As little as these people have on this earth, they are the truly rich.

About halfway through the week, I started praying for more.
Day 4—“My heart is so stirred. There is so much beyond the walls of this center. SO much more pain and hurt exists out there. I want to be stretched more. Whatever it takes for my heart to get bigger.”

So..when we went out on the street to minister a few days later my prayer was answered. We met a boy with severely disfigured hands and stomach from burns. No parents to be found. Hungry and alone. It was here I knew…
Day 5--“I want to be where the most pain is. I want to touch the untouched. Literally. I want to find the children who have never been held. Love the children who have never been hugged. I know for sure my ministry is children. I have no doubts. I want to love the lowest. To start at the bottom. No matter how impossible. I want the ones who need me—who need You. I want to hold the tattered and torn. I want to look face to face with the ugly and dirty. I want the scary and scared alike. Those who are desperate and those who are stubborn. Now how does that look?”

By day 7, my prayer was this---“There has always been something in me that longs for something radical. I am believing with everything in me that you have called me to a unique purpose. My heart desires adventure. In one way, this excites me beyond belief. But in another it’s a huge place of frustration. I get so discouraged because I don’t see it! I am so afraid of these dreams getting crushed. Is it safe Lord to believe for the impossible?”

This trip was marked by many similar questions for me. Questions in my heart for the Lord that seem unanswerable!

“What am I supposed to do with all this?”
“What do You have for me Jesus?”
“Are my dreams worth dreaming anymore?”
“Can I really do anything significant?”
“Can I trust that You will keep Your promises to me?”
“Will I ever be satisfied?”


So…Jesus answered and said--
“Fix your gaze daughter. Not on your future—not on your dreams—but on Me. Only by looking directly at me do you find clarity. Details are not your concern. Plans are not yours. Look to me. Don’t lose sight. Pray. Seek my face. I will show you! Trust me!”

mmmm….satisfactory!

He then brought to mind the simple verse---
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

I trust You God with all my heart. Every dream and passion. I trust you with these kids whom I have come to love. You hold me, You hold them. My heart is hid in You.

Day 10—The bocaria, “The dump”. Imagine your dumpster at its worse….X 17 hundred million. Yes, people live here. They live among the flies, the garbage, the hellish smell. After climbing to the top of the literal crap mountain, I looked at the hundreds of people going about their everyday life; digging for the best trash they can find. All I could think was, “Lord, how do people get this desperate? Have You abandoned them? Have You forgotten that they have needs too? Where are You in this situation??” We prayed for several people, shared a few testimonies, and handed out bread.

How to handle this? Crap…I have no idea.

So, as my time in Moz drew to a close…I hung on as tightly as I could, hoping the days would go slower and slower. I could not get enough of that place. I was addicted from day one. I loved everything about it. I wouldn’t trade any of the cold showers, inch thick mattresses, questionable meals, or teary, heart-wrenching goodbyes for anything.

On the way home I wrote—
“My heart is so broken, and yet so full. I’ve felt every emotion from joy to anger, sadness to excitiment. I’m learning more and more how much I hate goodbyes. My heart connects so easily. But it’s worth it. I wouldn’t trade the past 2 weeks for anything. I want to remember every detail—I want to treasure every moment forever. It kills me to know that these memories will soon fade. The sadness will leave, and the pain will dim. But I pray the passion stays. Mozambique is a part of me forever. It has become so much of who I am after only 12 days. I pray that every smile, hug, and hand I help will have an eternal impact. With every breath I’ll miss that place. With everyday I’ll think of those beautiful children. Every time I see Moriamo’s marble I’ll pray for him. I’ll never forget this place or how my life was changed. My heart will forever be in that country; with the kids, in the streets, in the sand.”

Father you are so good. Even when I don’t understand. I will choose to trust. Despite poverty, despite terminal diseases, and beyond any circumstance—YOU ARE GOOD. I believe it. I trust you with my heart and theirs. Keep them together.

So, if you made it through the whole entry, I’m so proud. I hope that you were touched in even a fraction of the way I was. I honestly love more than anything to talk about my trip. I would be more than glad to sit down and show you my 600 pictures and tell you about every one! I'm sure there will be lots more to come. The Lord is still doing so much..His work isn't done! I can't wait.

"Say to the captives, 'Come out!' and to those in darkness 'Be free!'They will feed beside the roads and find pasture on every barren hill. They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water. Shout for joy, o heavens; rejoice o earth; burst into song, o mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones!"
Isaiah 49:9-10 &13

Pictures from Moz..can't wait to share!

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

just what I need

So, tomorrow is the big day. Or I guess today for that matter. Seems strange, I’ve been dreaming of this day since I was 8 years old. Mozambique. Wow. I have so many expectations for what the Lord is going to do. I can’t even begin….

I woke up this morning expecting for the Lord to do some amazing work in my heart. Something mind-altering…preparing me, speaking some insane word to me of what He had for on this trip. I tried, I really did work real hard to receive…funny how that never works.

Well, in the midst of my great efforts to hear what the Lord had for me, God actually spoke. And it came in the form of many of my old journals. Thank you Jesus.

I forgot how much I really do love to read and remember where the Lord has brought me and what He’s done in my life. This particular page from January 3, 2010 really caught me.

I’m really beginning to see that You have so much more for me than unfulfilled dreams and unmet desires! Your heart is to fill me so fully with Your love that it overflows to the world. I’ve begun to notice thoughts surfacing in my mind that it’s sometimes so much easier not to care. I’ve too often experienced passion being followed closely disappointment. I’ve felt abandoned by you and discouraged by seemingly unanswered prayers. God—I know You are so much bigger than disappointment and discouragement. Open my eyes to what You are doing.
“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.” Lamentations 3:25 (The Message)

I’ve often struggled with this same thing, and it seems like the same issues have come up even recently. Struggling to take the Lord at his word, really having to fight to believe the promises the Lord has spoken, sometimes questioning God’s faithfulness.

It’s so funny, that on the night before I get to experience a dream I’ve dreamed for as long as I can remember--I’ve begged and sought the Lord for this for years--that He would lead me to read that. There have been many times I’ve given up on promises, believed that God had forgotten me. But today, I was reminded of His faithfulness. Not just from stories that I’ve read or heard from others. No, tonight I was reminded of God’s faithfulness in my life. He is so sweet to me, He knows just what I need.

He is sure.
He keeps His word.
His promises are true.
He has always been faithful to me.
He has not abandoned.
He always gives me the sweet reminders I need.



So, as much as I wanted to have some EPIC revelation and something amazingly soul stirring to write, I’m grateful that Jesus knows just what I need. He’s so faithful.


I can’t wait to come home a new woman. I’m believing the Lord for huge things, I’m so expectant!!!

So…until then dear friends!!!! AHHHHHH!

ready now

mmmm...this song has been running through my mind all morning. It's becoming my prayer for my life--the season I'm in, this summer, my soon coming adventure in Africa, my relationships--everything. I'm ready to surrender, I'm let my hands be used, ready for my heart look like the Fathers, ready to let Him do what He will in my life.

insane exchanges

Well, it legitimately feels like summer. Spending all afternoon outside on a day that could easily rival for the most epically beautiful day I've ever experienced seals the deal. This summer is kinda a big deal, not gonna lie. I'm coming off a season of the most growth I've ever experienced, its my first time overseas, my last summer in Abilene, my LAST SUMMER AS A TEENAGER, my first summer not jam packed with events/obligations. I've got some high hopes for what the Lord has for me this summer. I wrote a long list of things I'd like this summer to hold for me the other day...and to sum it all up--I prayed that this summer is one of intentionality and new adventures.


One thing I've come to so love and appreciate about the Lord is the way He is so faithful to make insane exchanges! So many times, I bring him pitiful, gross, and nasty feelings/thoughts/prayers--and God has ALWAYS been certain to take those and replace them with encouragement! Good thing He's got an endless supply of encouragement, for so was the case this afternoon. (I sometimes wonder how in the world He has enough room to keep all the crap I bring to Him..hmmmm) All I could seem to muster today up were feelings of frustration, confusion, discouragement, condemnation, insecurity, and you name it. I was extremely unexpectant of the Lord to meet me, I half way expected Him to leave me wallowing in this huge mess of BLAHHHHHH.

Well, He most certainly DID meet with me, go figure. In the most peculiar way I might add. Not with sweet songs of love or fuzzy feelings of confidence. No, He met me with conviction. GEESSSHHHHH.

I was flipping through my bible praying the Lord would lead me to just the right encouraging Psalm or a feel good verse to pick up my spirit. Well...He lead me to 1 John. So, I don't know how OK this is to say, but I hate 1 John. Always have. So...begrudgingly I flipped to the back of my bible and began reading all about how we must walk as Jesus walked and that we can't love the both world and God. I read about loving not with words but with actions, that if I really love God I will obey all of His commands. CONVICTION MODE MAJOR.

So...where the encouragement came I really couldn't tell you. All I know, is that in the midst of complaining to God how I could NEVER do any of this and explaining to Him how hopeless of a case I am, he gently interrupted me to say "Achhemm, Sweetheart. There is no fear in love. My perfect love drives out fear! You don't have to fear because I love you perfectly!"

Yes, I'm so thankful for chapters 4 and 5 of 1 John. Just a warning to all you lovely people, never attempt reading 1 John without reading the last 2 chapters--for it concludes all the SUPREME CONVICTION of the previous 3 chapters by encouraging us that his commands are not burdensome! That we are God's children! That we overcome the world! That we can confidently approach God!


So Lord, I have seen you faithfully meet me time and time again, even in the midst of my discouragement. You are always sure to replace my crap for encouragement.

"And this is the testimony:
God has given us eternal life,
and this life is in his Son."
1 John 5:11

'Tis so sweet

I could seriously get used to this lifestyle. Wake up whenever I want, spend all the time in the world in the mornings with Jesus, doin a load of laundry here and there, maybe a few dishes, and sit at the computer with my coffee and blueberry muffin browsing for bedroom paraphanilia. MMMMMM....such a nice break from the consistent runasfastasIcanandfitasmuchintoonedayashumanlypossible kind of life I had been leading over the past...well EVER! For the first time in as long as I can remember, I LITERALLY have nothing to do today. Thank you Jesus!

As much as I've been running and doing and constantly needing people around all the time, there is something extremely refreshing about being at home, all by myself, and actually enjoying it! There's such a contrast between "aloneness" when I'm away from home and "aloneness" when I'm at home. I'm not sure why/how/what that means, but for the first time in MONTHS I'm enjoying having hours and hours alone. I think I think I'll just credit it to the fact that I'm finally finding satisfaction in CHRIST alone...hehe. Whatever it is...the view from where I'm sitting today has been extremely charming.

I'm so enjoying life, learning what it means to trust Jesus with the everyday stuff, taking Him at His word and practicing rejoicing in obedience.

The words of this beautiful hymn can quite possibly sum up my heart today very nicely. Written by an incredible woman who we could all learn a lesson about trusting Jesus from.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

"Blessed is the man
who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him."
Jeremiah 17:7

love your mommy

I have thoroughly enjoyed this video time and time again. So...in honor of all the amazing moms out there smile and laugh along with my good friend Taylor and his mommy.

Enjoy!!!

And love your mom today!!

as I wait for You

There's a feeling I'm becoming more familiar with these days. I couldn't describe it to you...I could point to the exact spot in my belly where I feel it. I haven't decided yet whether it's pleasant or not. All I know...is the Lord always follows this feeling with deep heart revelation. So..I'm waiting. Lord...what is this feeling!?!?

Psalm 16 has been the only sanity I can cling to it seems.

"You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
Psalm 16:11

I believe it. Even if it's not happening now, God I don't know what the path of life is, but I believe that He will show me. I am believing to be filled with joy.

I'm believing Lord that You are the revealer of all things, even the hidden things in my heart. That my heart is hidden in Yours. You know my heart, you know me, even when I don't.

So in the midst of this "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIHAVENOIDEAWHATSGOINGONINMYHEARTRIGHTNOW" feeling...the beautiful voice of the lovely Brooke Fraser come drifting through the speakers at Mugwalls. Thank you Jesus for the beautiful reminder.

Enjoy.

procrastination at its finest!

Yes, this is the week of finals. And YES! I have totally blogged more and studied less the past week than probably every other week in my whole life. Balllllllin.

I'm here trying to study..honest to goodness I am. But Sam dropped his pen in the dark abyss of the random hole in the DTR chair and we had a mild adventure trying to fish it out with straws. Oh, and we tried to catch a deadly lizard and almost died. We're so granola.

So---here's your to do list for this week. Yes you...just do it.
1. Buy the Shane and Shane CD "Everything is Different" and listen to it constantly.
2. Call one friend who you miss alot and haven't talked to in at least 2 months.
3. Have a dance party in your car...friends are optional.
4. Wear your favorite outfit
5. Turn your cell phone off for an hour. I promise, if I can do it you can too.
6. Laugh really hard
7. Bake something delicious!
8. Take a deep breath, and remember how much fun life is!!!


I promise...I'll do them all if you will. Actually...I'll do them all anyway.

"This is the day that the Lord has made,
let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
Psalm 118:24

Change is Change!

Beautiful day! What am I doing sitting inside in front of a computer screen when the sunshine is oh so inviting..? Oh wait...i forgot about the 14 million pages of notes I have that I'm currently NOT studying. Even so, the window next to me is helping to lift my spirits a bit. As does the angelic voice of Regina Spektor.

Life has been full of interesting lessons, growth, frustrations and joys as of late. What a beautiful Jesus I have! I love the way that He writes my story, romances me with the sweetest things, and whispers precious secrets to me. I have never loved my life more or more looked forward to waking up in the mornings to see what new things I will learn about Him.

Recently, God has really been convicting me about litter. Twice this week I've awkwardly creeped up and picked up some trash that someone right in front of my has dropped. I spent like 5 extra minutes at the park yesterday picking up random trash from all over a field. Now, please don't hear this as "Oh what a excellent citizen I am!" but simply that...there's deep conviction in my heart for this!

But why?? What's the big deal Lord? What are you trying to teach me?

I heard Him say, "Lauren, I want you to leave places better than how you found them."

So wow, I took that literally for a while and continued my trash picking up duty. But then, I realized that God has called me to so much more than that! Yes, it's one thing to leave a place cleaner that it was when I was there, but I want to change it all!
I want rooms to be a more positive environment than it was before I was there.
I want to walk away from each person I interact with knowing that they are more encouraged than when we first interacted.
I want to be intentional in every situation to make a positive change in some way.

So, with this goal in mind, I will continue to pick up every scrap of I pass, love people consistently enough that they know they will be encouraged by me, and smile enough to change the atmosphere of the room.






It may be small....but I won't despise the day of small things!!
Change is change!

what I cannot see

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are being wasted away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

GESHHH. That's pretty much all I can bring myself to say.

The past few weeks have been so far from fixing my eyes on the unseen. It's more been...figuring out whats right in front, worrying about the next item on my agenda, a constant stream of details running through my head. GO GO GO GO GO GO! THINK THINK THINK THINK! DO DO DO DO! AHHHHHHHHH. Yep, Paul got it right when he said we are outwardly wasting away. Welcome to my life.

I'm a bit dramatic I'd say...ehh...yeah. So I have long convinced myself that my "light and momentary troubles" are the exception. Paul had NO idea how hard my life is, how busy I am, how many responsibilities I have thrown at me. Light and momentary my butt..no...MY problems are MASSIVE!!! ha.

Funny story--my troubles are far from massive.

So...my mission here is to figure out the being "inwardly renewed day by day." THAT is what sounds good here. SO how in the world does that happen???

Welp, if we are supposed to fix our eyes on what is unseen, that pretty much means...nothing I'm fixing my eyes on now. So..every worry, stress, and anxiety I have now---off limits. No focusing on those Lauren. Everything..even if now I think is good...is gonna be overshadowed by the SPECTACULARNESS of things to come.

So, I'm coming to learn that the things that are right in front of me--the things I think about most--are far outweighed by the things I can't see--the things the Lord has for me. So basically...my life can only get better. Things that are great now, can only be greater. Waiting for what God has only brings the absolute best!!!!

ummm...that excites me!!! The fact that I can, no, I'm commanded to trade every anxious thought for something glorious the Lord has in store for me, something I can't even see. And, by trusting that....and by unfurrowing my brow a bit and saving myself from years of wrinkles, I'M GETTING RENEWED!

yeauh yeauh yeauh. Thank you Jesus.

A Little Longer

Matthew 19:26 List

I'm so tired of living safe. I'm tired of praying the safe prayers, limiting my dreams to tiny wishes, and timidly pursuing God for fear of disappointment. When did God's power become so limited that He couldn't fulfill my wildest dreams? When did I forsake my child like faith, and lose all confidence in God's promises?

"But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not 'Yes' and 'No.' For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas and Timothy was not 'Yes' and 'No,' but in him it has always been 'Yes.' For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ.' And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 1:18-20

I'm bored of dreaming of things I can accomplish. I'm done with planning the possible. lame! Our call as Christians is not to the possible, but we are called to do things we could never possibly do.

So, here's my promise to you. I will not be a woman of safety. I will be one who takes chances. I'm probably gonna be one of the hugest failures you've ever met. I'm probably going to screw a lot of things up. But it's going to be the funnest times of my life.

Exciting? oh boy!
Scary? No doubt!
worth it? oh yes!




I want to
See the dead raised.
Go to Maputa Harvest School.
Hear God's voice with confidence and clarity.
Pray for a nation with perseverance and see it radically redeemed.
Passionately seek the Lord above all else.
See poverty in Mozambique alleviated.
See revival on my campus!
Witness miracles daily.
See abortion ended in America.
Abandon my dreams for HIS.
Start my own ministry for hopeless women.
Disciple those who will go to the nations.
See hundreds of people come to Christ and get set free!!!






"Jesus looked at them and said
'With man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible.'"
Matthew 19:26

I died today.

This week has been marked in my life..I will never be the same.

I am a proud new owner of a beautiful, 60 foot long slackline. Ahhhh yeuah.
Which is totally beside the point.

So I am so longing to be challenged. Massive growth has been typical in my life over the past weeks...and I felt like I had kinda stopped with the acceleration and begun to coast. NO FUN!

Well, hello challenge.

Jennifer Toledo is a normal girl. Well actually..she is so not. If you want your faith rocked, your life shaken, and your understanding of God's power to be blown away...listen to her testimony immediately. You know you have an hour to spare.


heburnsforme.com


Let me just tell you fellow bloggers, my life is radically changed by her story.

But after listening, I was still fighting some discouragement. Sure, my faith was built by her testimony, my mind was blown, but a part of me wonders where I fit into that. I know that God has called me to a life like hers, a life of extravagant obedience and passionate killing of my own will. A life marked by authority and walking in surrender to God. But I'm not seeing that. When I look at my life, I don't see a woman taking authority of darkness, sickness and pain. I don't see a passionate, single-minded individual seeking God at all costs. I don't see absolute obedience.

hmmm...challenge?

And if that isn't enough!! The Lord has a way of blasting full on when He wants to blast eh? Ben Stuart BROUGHT IT at Breakaway...challenging us to live a life of adventure. MMMMMM! Doesn't that sound fun?!?! Who really wants a bland life of doing the "Christian thing" for a couple decades? Not I, I know that much. Something stirred inside of me. A passion I can't even begin to explain. I must stop letting my prideful will rule. I must surrender to my Savior. Joy and fullness can be found no other way.

So, with all this in mind, I said "Well God, I don't know what the heck to do now!" And, like He does so many times, (frustratingly enough) He answered my question with another question, 15 of them actually.

"Are you called to just live, or to live in fullness?"
"What is your life going to be about?"
"What is your heart passionate about?"
"Are you living a life full of passion?"
"Do you know your true identity?"
"Are you walking like you know who you are?"
"What will it take to live a radical life?"
"Are you ok with a mediocre life?"
"Are you willing to obey me no matter what?"
"Do you believe that your life could truly make a difference?"
"Will you receive MY calling for your life?"
"Are you consistently choosing MY highest for your life?"
"Are you letting MY plans be sovereign to your will?"
"What will it take for you to be fully satisfied in ME?"
"What is your motivation?"


Well, this is all a bit overwhelming. Where do I go from here?

Is my life really marked for greatness? Or is that just a petty hope I need to put to the side. Should I just go ahead and prepare myself to settle for a decent life, or do I let my hopes grow, imagining the greatest life God could have for me? Is it possible? Could He really use me?

Of course not, right?


And He spoke to me and said,

"[Daughter], stand up on your feet and I will speak to you."
Ezekiel 2:2

So I stood, and He spoke to me and said,

"Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39

And so...today I died.
And now I will live.

clutter smutter

So this past weekend I started to realize how much clutter was in my life. I'm a master procrastinator, and that makes for many tasks piling up that I've put off for who knows how long. But more than just clutter of things I need to get done, my heart was really cluttered as well. So...God said, "time for a cleanup, eh?" mmm...at first that didn't sound like too much fun...but I knew it would be good. So, the declutterization began.


I'm a cluttered person by nature..so needless to say I've done a lot of "clutter work" in the past. Take my desk for example...there are alot of things in my desk that are good. I have some awesome pictures and paintings and such that are great! But there is also alot of junk. Things that I acquire, and have no place for just get shoved somewhere in there...it's easier to deal with that stuff later right? Well...later is now. It's a long process...reading every piece of paper, distinguishing whats important and whats trash, organizing piles and placing things in the correct place. And...in the end...a much more organized desk with all the beautiful treasures displayed, and all the trash gone!!!

The same with my desk, there was a lot in my heart that was good...it was just hidden by all the unnecessary issues and unwanted desires. So...God had to purge those things out..that way the good could be displayed. I'm not gonna lie...it was not too fun and it took awhile, but the results were worth it. A productive weekend of studying and errands and letting God work on my heart=A heart free and light and much less stress! Thank you Lord!

"A heart at peace
gives life to the body."
Proverbs 14:30

It's just You and me

There are very few times when I open my journal and the words don't flow. I can hardly remember the last time I was lost for words. So..this is epic. I don't know whether to consider this a good thing or not...? I strained and prayed and thought for a while, trying to figure out what I was feeling/thinking. The only words I could bring myself to write on the page were these:

"O, Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise."
Psalm 51:15

That's when the truth began to sink in.

So many of my words are...well...my words. And my words will eventually run out. My thoughts and ideas will soon be no more. That is why I need, more than anything, for the Lord to open my lips. I need His fresh thoughts to run through my mind.

So...I prayed for new revelation. I want to know something new! I asked the Lord to whisper a secret to me..something that's ONLY between us..an inside joke if you will.

My secret place is where I go to find Jesus. That's where He loves on me, where we play tag, where He tickles me until I cry, where we laugh until our sides hurt, we he plays with my hair, where He sings to me, where He whispers sweet secrets in my ear.

That's where I love to stay.

"Call to me and I will answer you
and tell you great and unsearchable
things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

Beloved

Jesus loves me!!

Oh, I have been experiencing His love on a deeper and deeper level over the past few weeks. Even this weekend I have had such deep revelation of just how intense the Father's love for me is.

He has pulled me from the depths, looked at me at my worst, and admired me. He is pleased with my heart, He is pleased with my love for Him, He is pleased with me!

How He enjoys listening to me sing. Oh the pleasure He takes from me dancing before Him. And to think that He adores my smile, my laugh, my crazy quirks!

My Daddy loves to give me good gifts, because He loves me. My Best Friend loves to speak listen to my every thought, because He loves me. My Lover loves to make me feel beautiful, special, and treasured, all because He loves me!

Oh the great love He has lavished on me! He heals me, He teaches me, He encourages me, He disciplines me. He proves to me over and over in a million ways a day how much He truly, deeply, genuinely, and passionately loves me.

I am so thankful that nothing changes His love for me. I can't get away from it, I can't earn more of it. He loves me the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He loves me in my prime, He loves me in my nastiest.

I love my Jesus. I love Him because He first loved me! I love Him because He lifts me up. I love Him because He is kind to me. I love Him because He is my portion. He has made my life abundant.

I am my beloved's and He is mine.

"Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away."
Song of Songs 8:7

Pure Religion

"Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to visit the orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
James 1:27

"What is pure religion? What is pure Christianity? What is pure love? What is this life all about? Is it about how many people we lead to Jesus or how many churches we plant or how good a person we have been? Or is it about being so hidden in the heart of our awesome, eternal God of love that we are swallowed up in Him, so that it is no longer we who live, but Christ in us?

"And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My breathren, you did it to Me'"
Matthew 25:40

Every day Jesus meets me in unexpected ways. Sometimes He is an orphan looking for low and unconditional acceptance; sometimes He is a widow desperately begging for a simple job in order to provide the basic necessities of life for her hungry children, sometimes He is another lost and broken person who just needs a hug and someone to listen to them; but every day I see Him in a new way.

Yes, we are seeing hundreds of Moslems come to Jesus every week; yes we are seeing multitudes of sick people healed by the power of the Holy Spirit; yes, we are seeing the kingdom of God come in power in the most dark and dangerous places in Mozambique. But, at the end of the day, what matters most is LOVE! I am trying to learn to be like Christ in every possible way, yet every day, I am seeing that Christ is already inside of me and He is happy to come out and make Himself known through me to the lost and dying world around me. He is happy to use my hands to pray for the sick, my arms to love on and to hug the orphans, my feet to boldly go anywhere to preach the Gospel of the kingdom to whoever's heart He has prepared to hear the Good News!

"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love."
Galations 5:6

What is faith working through love? Simply abiding in Christ and letting the sweetness of His presence flow through us and minister to those around us who are lost, dying and desperate for God. It is believing that which Christ accomplished for us on the cross is enough to equip us and empower us to be bright, shining lights amidst a crooked and perverse generation. It is laying down our lives, so that the kingdom of God can come forth to the broken, the lost, the dying and the weak. It is changing history one person at a time! Hallelujah!"



---Erik Shipley
in The Hungry Always get Fed

day in day out

well, while the spare moments in my life are hard to come by..I've have a discovered a few minutes to stop in to write my thoughts out. Though I could be doing a million other things, I have decided that I will take a few minutes everyday to unwind..process if you will. I have nothing particularly inspiring to write about today..just me.

So what has today taught me, you ask?

Well..I am reminded how faithful God is to provide! Thank you to the U.S. mail service to testing my faith...but my birth certificate has arrived! Now it's trusting the Lord to take care of that document that holds my fate in the traveling-halfway-across-the-world department: my passport! But, like I already said...God is faithful. Period.

So if you happened to have caught my previous blog, you will be glad to know that I walked slower today!! I left my room this morning in my typical, near-running pace. But I caught myself, took a deep breath, and smiled genuinely at the next person I passed. It was a bit refreshing I'd say. I even waited in line with patience and was late to my class!! What an achievement! Thank you Lord for teaching me to be patient!

Well, I'd love to say that this marks the beginning of my daily blog habit..but with the way my life looks at this moment, I wouldn't count on it. And I'd hate to disappoint all of you bloggers who love to follow my thoughts...not. So here's to finding time to ponder the day, take a few deep breaths, and have a good laugh. Cheers.

"A heart at peace
gives life to the body.."
Proverbs 14:30

The end doesn't justify the means, the means brings about a great end!

Wow..life never stops. Never slows down. Not even for a minute. Sometimes I think I like it that way..and other times I feel like I'm missing things I shouldn't be missing. I'm constantly thinking about the next place I have to be or the next task I need to conquer. I speed walk every where I go, and I feel like my speedy walking pace somewhat defines my life. I'm so caught up in where I'm going that I totally forget about how I get there...So...bear with me..I have a few seemingly unconnected thoughts that..may actually end up not connecting..we shall see.

I have a good friend..and unlike myself...he strolls everywhere he goes (a fact that was the source of great frustration for me at many times). Any time we walk anywhere together, I am constantly turned around, trying to have a conversation with him. It's seriously a chore for me to walk at his glacial pace! It's become somewhat of a running joke in our friends about how slow he walks..but you know...I think he's the one who should be laughing at us..because HE'S the one who understands.

I have another dear friend..we walk together every other day or so and have oh so great conversations. One day we were talking about feet; about how everyone's are different and people have such different walking styles. But she said something really basic that struck me in such a profound way. She said, "You know, walking is a funny thing. You can always count on your other foot to come up in front. You don't even have to think about it!"

So, today as I was leaving to go back to campus, the thought of driving in 5 o'clock traffic was NOT appealing to me. I HATE waiting in line for ANYTHING!! Consequentially, I took every back road, loop, and drove through every neighborhood to try and avoid all the cars. In the end..it took me about twice as long to get where I was going, but I avoided the crowd!



So...through all of these events, I have learned a few things about myself. First of all, that in my rush to get things done, be on time, and avoid the crowds I have effectively learned to stay in my own little world for the majority of my life. Sure, when I'm not in a hurry or when I have nothing else going on, I'll stop and smell the roses or talk to someone who looks lonely, but ONLY when it's convenient for me. So how do I fix this?? SLOW DOWN! I will just have to learn to be ok with running a little late, missing out on something that's "super important" or maybe changing my plans a bit. I want to love life, enjoy every day I'm given.

Second--I have learned that, just like my feet, I can always count on the Lord to be there with every step. I never have to wonder, contemplate or worry if He will support all my weight with each step. I don't think about walking, I don't want to have to think about trusting in the Lord. I want to learn to depend on Jesus just like I learned how to walk. (and like I'm learning to walk slowly : ))

Finally--I've realized that to live like Jesus lived, I cannot always avoid the crowds. Jesus was constantly surrounded by the masses, people FLOCKED to Him. Sure, He withdrew for time alone (just like I've realized I need to often do) but he walked in the people, ministered to the people, loved the people. I want to be a person of the people: Loving people, serving people, leading people. To do that, I cannot always AVOID the people.

So, I'm going to stop. I'm going to read a book. I'm going to smile really big at someone tomorrow when I pass them. I'm going to say "Howdy!!!" to as many people as I can. I'm going to rely on Jesus to teach me where to walk. I'm going to blog more! I'm going to laugh as much as I can. I'm going to thank Jesus for what He is doing! I'm going to buy myself some flowers! I'm gonna buy someone else some flowers! I'm going to write an encouraging note! I'm going to sing out loud! I'm going to love with abandonment! I'm going to serve with a full heart!

Above all, I've learned that life is fun. And I'm tired of missing it.

"This is the day
that the Lord has made.
Let us rejoice and
be glad in it!"
Pslam 118:24

heart's cry

Ever experienced a moment, or a day, or a weekend, where you wish you could somehow record everything that happened, was said, or you felt. A time that you never wanted to forget? Hmmm...well I have. And sadly, the mind is unreliable, and I tend to forget very quickly experiences I desperately long to remember. But thank God for blogs eh!?!? So the purpose of this entry is solely for me..to remember. To look back in years and remember how I felt, what I thought, what God did in one amazing weekend. My life is ruined..I'll never be the same.

So yes, this is my follow up to World Mandate blog. I was told beforehand that I couldn't have expectations high enough of what God would do. Well, I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to stuff like that. I've been to my fair share of conferences, camps, and events, and sure...I've seen God do amazing things. Don't get me wrong--I know that the Lord works at things like that..but it's also very emotional as well. So..I confess I went in with semi-unhigh expectations. But praise Jesus that He doesn't care about our expectations!

The one thing I really learned about the Lord this past weekend is how well He really knows me. He ministered to me in the way that only He could. Speaking to me in ways that I understand, teaching me the things I really need to learn, and singing over me songs that I've been longing to hear for my whole life. He answered prayers, reminded me of promises, and rekindled dreams that I long ago had abandoned. When the speaker said on Friday night that if we want to see God move, we have to run into the pain, instead of away from it, my heart was stirred deeply. Yes! This has been the cry of my heart for as long as I can remember, and God knew that. In this world of inevitable pain and hurting, I want to be there to help ease and heal the hearts of people who have no where else to turn. I want to minister and share and serve those who are forgotten. I don't just want to serve the "least of these," I want to join them. Cry with them. Heal with them. Learn with them. Seek God with them.

I saw God do amazing things this weekend. I can come to you with complete sincerity in saying I was blown away. My life is never ever ever going to look the same way. How can it? My passion to see people experience what I have cannot be stifled. The fire in me cannot be put out. The thirst placed inside of me by God himself will not easily be quenched. I have gotten a glimpse of a picture much bigger than my own. I'm no longer satisfied to sit and receive from Jesus. I will be one who soaks in everything God can give, and take it and run. Take to those who need it most. I must go. I must go where the pain is greatest. I must go where I can bring healing. There's nothing else to do!

And so, as I was asking the Lord what my life was about, what do I do now? He replied to me...

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kinds to the brightness of your dawn."
Isaiah 60: 1-3

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empty again
This seed I've received I will sow

just enough

2 words---finally Friday! It's amazing how a week can go by so slow and yet fly by at the same time. This is the day I've been waiting for, for well, a while. This week has been a whirl wind to say the least. Going non-stop has recently become the theme in my life. I am so thankful to be sitting in this comfy chair in one of my favorite places in College Station, MugWalls! These few minutes of rest and down time are much needed! And oh!!!! BROOKE FRASER is totally playing. Oh how quaint. This day is getting better and better. just on the side...read caroline joy casey's blog immediately. I had the oh so precious privilege of meeting caroline this past year when she took my senior pictures. what a beautiful, classy, creative girl!!

http://www.carolinejoyblog.com/


Seriously...stop reading my lousy blog and go check out some actual legit bloggage.


Jesus has been so good to me. My constant prayer lately has been for rest. Not just shallow, got a good night sleep, "No, I'm not tired" kinda rest. No, I'm praying, seeking, asking for the kind of rest that goes so much deeper, the rest that comes with knowing that the Lord fulfills every area of my life. Resting in knowing that the Lord has me where I am, and this is right where I'm supposed to me. Resting in the assurance that I have everything I could ever need.

"Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure."
Psalm 16:5

So, as I'm sitting here, I'm soaking in what God has for me. World Mandate is this weekend and I'm so ready to have a love encounter with my Hero Jesus. He has me in a season of growth, challenge, and preparation. I'm in training I guess you could say. It's hard. I sometimes want to quit honestly. But God's grace is so sufficient. He is so faithful to pursue me, love on me, encourage me. So, pray for me as I pray for you my non-existent blog reading friends.





thank God that i have just enough

delighting in Isaiah 53:6

Ever just wish life would stop for a moment--allow you to gather your thoughts, collect your feelings, control your emotions--and then continue? Well, I do. This may sound a bit dramatic, but I really do feel like I'm sitting here and the world keeps revolving and I'm not a part of it. But you know, that is so far from how the Lord calls us to live. Because the way I'm living now is watching. I'm WATCHING people be radically changed for Christ, and I'm WATCHING people serve and connect and grow. God has NOT called me to be a watcher. He has called me to be a changer. A doer. A go-getter. So what in the world am I doing sitting here??
I'll tell you what I'm doing..I'm pouting. I'm sitting here, thinking of all the stuff I've screwed up. All the reasons why God shouldn't use me. All the times I've heard the Lord and not responded. All my stupid, messed up, lousy failures. And I'm wallowing in those. And sure, I've always known that God uses screw ups to do big things. Heard it a million times. I mean come on--Sarah, Moses, Rahab, David, Matthew, Paul, Peter--all these people failed...miserably. I've known this. But praise Jesus for new revelations!
Yes, Jesus! He really revealed to me today something so simple yet so profound. He CAME for the broken, the sick and the hurting. He didn't come for the righteous, perfect, and whole. He LEAVES the flock to go find the ONE who wonders. And oh God, lemme tell you somethin...that one wanderer, the one who constantly hears the Shepherd's voice but still consistently wanders off, the one who knows where she should be but chooses the other direction--yeah, that's me all right. And Jesus CHOOSES to come after me. He doesn't sigh and shake His head and moan and groan about the inconvenience I am to Him. No--he leaves the rest of the sheep and RUSHES after me. He then scoops me up in His strong arms and laughs and touches me gently on the nose. I ask Him "Why? Why leave all those sheep who are following You to come after me??" I cannot seem to understand. He chuckles softly and replies, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Hmm...just like Jesus to never give a straight answer. But it is beautiful all the same..and speaks to a place so deep in my heart that I never really even knew it was there.

So, thank you Jesus that you are my portion. You are my rescuer. You will always be enough for me. I won't pretend that I won't stray, but my heart will still wait on you. I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so thankful that You always follow. You are so good to me.

"I say to myself,
"The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait on him."
Lamentations 3:24

Life principles: It's about love, not victory

"There is a tendency for people only to want to read about the glory stories that come out of this revival that Jesus is leading, but there are gutsy stories too. Unless you have the wider perspective of life here then you will have a lopsided understanding of what God is doing. Often, He teaches us through suffering about his glory-presence.
Once we had a meeting where we were praying for four of our kids who were really sick. They had measles and malaria and in the end two of them died. It happened just before we were due to go away for our annual staff retreat. That year we had a visiting speaker who had come to minister to our 160 staff. Bear in mind that the children who had died were our babies, our precious children. I was not all that impressed then when the speaker told us, 'You all just need to laugh more!' I thought ot myself, 'I don't think the Lord is laughing at the moment.' In fact I wanted to say, 'I think your head is a little tilted my friend.' But I had to make a choice. Was I going to get angry with this person and strangle them or was I going to bless them? I ended up blessing the person, of course, but it shook my world.
The very next Monday I found myself lying face down on a grass mat with the mother of one of the little girls who had died. I lay down with this woman and wept with her, holding her in my arms. It was then that God said to me,

'Heidi, it's about love. It's not always about victory.'

Our whole life cannot be about victory and glory--but it must be about love. Love is patient and kind and long-suffering. God's love is the kind of love that is extravagant, bottomless, ceaseless and endless. That's what you need when you are on the floor holding a grieving mother.
We all need a download of hold love that so motivates us, it doesn't matter what anyone does to us--we just love them, regardless. If someone offends you, like I was offended, you love them. If someone spits in your face, you love them. If someone falsely arrests you, you loe them. When they put you in jail, you love them. When they beat you, you love them. We won over the garbage dump by love.
People hear out story and say, 'Wow! What a powerful missionary story!' Yes, we have thousands of churches; the blind see, the dear hear, the dumb speak, the crippled walk, the dead get up. All these things happen over and again. But, we also get beat up. Literally. Not with harsh words. We are literally beaten.
The first tie I walked into the garbage dump a guy named Vidal, who had a broken bottle in his hand, stuck it against my neck and said, 'I'm going to slit your throught. What are you doing here you idiot white woman? I'm going to kill you now." I said to him, 'Wait a minute, I'm so sorry. Just wait a second.' And then I told him about Jesus dancing on the dump and putting clothes of beautiful gold and silver and blue and purple on the people in the dump. I told him I was walking with Jesus and said, ' We put our hands upon your big bellies and they sink in. We put our hands upon your bullet wounds and they are healed. We put our hands upon your bleeding sores and they disappear and lice die.' I said to him, 'I want to tel you about a feat that is ready and prepared and God wants you to be there. Vidal, you are very beautiful and you are invited to the head table.'
After about half an hour of him grabbing me and threatening me, listening in between, he knelt in the garbage and began weeping. He said to me, 'Could you please bring this man Jesus here because I want to meet Him.' HE had never heard His name before. Vidal was the first person to receive Christ on the rubbish dump and now his entire village is saved. They were hungr, physically and spiritually, and we were offereing them free food, physically and spiritually. They were very hungry. Are you? Jesus wants to give you more of Himself. He wants you to be immersed in His love so you can love others recklessly, completely, full of God's outrageous grace."


--Heidi Baker in "The Hungry Always get Fed"