delighting in Isaiah 53:6

Ever just wish life would stop for a moment--allow you to gather your thoughts, collect your feelings, control your emotions--and then continue? Well, I do. This may sound a bit dramatic, but I really do feel like I'm sitting here and the world keeps revolving and I'm not a part of it. But you know, that is so far from how the Lord calls us to live. Because the way I'm living now is watching. I'm WATCHING people be radically changed for Christ, and I'm WATCHING people serve and connect and grow. God has NOT called me to be a watcher. He has called me to be a changer. A doer. A go-getter. So what in the world am I doing sitting here??
I'll tell you what I'm doing..I'm pouting. I'm sitting here, thinking of all the stuff I've screwed up. All the reasons why God shouldn't use me. All the times I've heard the Lord and not responded. All my stupid, messed up, lousy failures. And I'm wallowing in those. And sure, I've always known that God uses screw ups to do big things. Heard it a million times. I mean come on--Sarah, Moses, Rahab, David, Matthew, Paul, Peter--all these people failed...miserably. I've known this. But praise Jesus for new revelations!
Yes, Jesus! He really revealed to me today something so simple yet so profound. He CAME for the broken, the sick and the hurting. He didn't come for the righteous, perfect, and whole. He LEAVES the flock to go find the ONE who wonders. And oh God, lemme tell you somethin...that one wanderer, the one who constantly hears the Shepherd's voice but still consistently wanders off, the one who knows where she should be but chooses the other direction--yeah, that's me all right. And Jesus CHOOSES to come after me. He doesn't sigh and shake His head and moan and groan about the inconvenience I am to Him. No--he leaves the rest of the sheep and RUSHES after me. He then scoops me up in His strong arms and laughs and touches me gently on the nose. I ask Him "Why? Why leave all those sheep who are following You to come after me??" I cannot seem to understand. He chuckles softly and replies, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Hmm...just like Jesus to never give a straight answer. But it is beautiful all the same..and speaks to a place so deep in my heart that I never really even knew it was there.

So, thank you Jesus that you are my portion. You are my rescuer. You will always be enough for me. I won't pretend that I won't stray, but my heart will still wait on you. I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so thankful that You always follow. You are so good to me.

"I say to myself,
"The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait on him."
Lamentations 3:24