SIng to the Lord a new song

mmmmmm. Christmas. what a beautiful day/season/time. This year..SNOW! What a joy to be waken up (way earlier than typically could be labelled as a joy) and look out the window to see our street covered in snow! We played outside like little kids, it was terrific. I'm a fan of Christmas music, but only good Christmas music.

I've discovered more over the past few weeks, I'm a music fan in general. Yes, it's true...I understand that a majority of people LIKE music. I've come to discover however that music is somewhat of a defining factor in my life. This comes as a common theme in many of these posts, but I seem to have a difficult time expressing myself. That sounds corny and somewhat cliche..but it's 100% true. I have so much inside of me: passions, dreams, desires, emotions. I have such a desire to let those overflow (it may sound dramatic) but I really do feel trapped. Trapped by my inability to express what is inside of me. Needless to say, it's a wee bit frustrating. Music seems to bridge this gap for me. I hear songs, and absolutely let them change my life. It's such an amazing feeling to hear a song and think, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL. HOW DID THEY KNOW HOW TO WRITE MY HEART INTO A BEAUTIFUL SONG?" I cling to songs, make them my own, pray the words and more. I love to sing, to worship, to dance, to cry, and let the music draw me in to beautiful presence of My King. I can't think of any where else I'd rather be.

So I have a friend..who claims (unbelievably!!) to be not so much of a music fan. Sure, she likes music well enough. But she always says that she has a hard time listening to lyrics and relating to them. So, in a stroke of brilliance I might add, I decided to try to share with her my passion for music this Christmas. I made a CD with a few songs that have absolutely defined some season in my life in some way or another. I now want to share them with you, whoever you may be.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
Psalm 63:5

--Desert Song by Hillsong United
This song has been played on repeat in my room for more times than I could ever count. I can’t even begin to describe what this song means to me. I have cried and prayed and listened to this song over the past few months. It is such a beautiful song of believing that God is bigger than any circumstance or happening in our lives. It’s about believing who God is. It reminds me that He is the same God all the time. When I hear these lines, my heart wants to explode:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
How awesome is that? That we can worship God the same way in every season, whether we feel Him right there or we haven’t thought of Him in days, He still deserves our praise! Oh my goodness dear, let this song really speak to you. Seriously, this song changed me life.

-- Where I Belong by Cory Asbury
Ohhh boy, another one of my favorites. This song has also been played many a times in my dorm room (poor Renee!). This song speaks so much to me of how God truly feels about me. A lot of these lyrics are straight from Song of Solomon, and they are pretty romantic if you ask me. This song really has awakened a desire in me to be intimately in love with Jesus. He is calling us to a romantic, beautiful relationship with Him, and he is whole-heartedly pursuing us!! This reminds me that I am completely at home in the presence of the Lord, it’s where we belong!! That is so reassuring! It also reminds me that Jesus takes delight in me (that’s my favorite part of the song!!) "I am my beloved’s and He is mine, so come into my garden and take delight in me." This isn’t in the song, but I want to remind you of this verse: “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.” Song of Soloman 2:1—and that’s what Jesus thinks about you!! Then another great part of the song says “here in your presence God I find my rest.” That brings to mind the verse Pslam 62:5 which says “Find rest my soul in God alone, my hope comes from him.” Let your soul rest in Jesus!!

--Sing my Love—Kim Walker
Ohhhh! This is just another song about Jesus beautiful love for you. This song always just makes me feel special. I love the way she describes things that are only between Jesus and I!!! No one else could ever see or know or understand the amazing love that is exchanged between my precious Savior and me!!!! His love for you and his relationship with you is so unique, so prized to Him, so beautiful. This is such a perfect reminder to me that Jesus sees me as holy, lovely, and sweet—no matter how I see myself! This is just a song of absolute joy in the love of Jesus. It's so full, it overflows! Here’s the trick to really enjoying this song---turn it up as loud as it goes in your car, smile as big as you possibly can, and sing your heart out to Jesus! It’s so fun—I promise!! Let your love for Him just overflow from your heart. (Oh, and the best best part is when you listen to this song so much that you can sing along with her prayer at the end, it’s great.)

-- So Good to Me—Cory Asbury
So, if you're ever feeling (insert negative emotion here) play this song and I guarantee an instant mood lift! Seriously, it works. Play this song when you are getting ready in the morning and you’ll for sure have a much better day! This song is so full of joy I can’t even think straight right now. It’s so full of God’s promises for us! (Psalm 40:1-3, Isaiah 61:3) Listen to the promises in the verses and let them define you! He has been so good to us! When you listen to this song, begin to remember all the awesome things God has done for you! (and then dance a little cause this song is so fun to dance to!) I love it cause this song gets stuck in your head so easily and it’s great singing “so good, so so good to me!” over and over and over!!!! It’s such a great reminder allllll day! THEN----just when you think the song is over----FALSE! The best part! LOVE, JOY, PEACE, AND RIGHTOUNESS IN THE HOLY SPIRIT! These are what God has promised us! So if there ever comes a day when you don’t feel like you have love, joy, peace, or righteousness, you can say LIE! I have all of those. And you do! OH OH OH OH YEAH!

--Taste and See—Brian and Jenn Johnson
Well, honestly, Beltway’s version of this song is way better, but this is still great too. This is BY FAR my favorite song that we sing at church. I feel like this song defines the season of life I’m in at this moment. I’ve tasted, just a tad of what the Lord is doing in my life. It tasted so good, and I want more! I think that’s always what God is doing in our lives, giving us just a taste of what’s to come, hoping that we can’t get enough! I mean, just like you can’t eat just ONE bit of cheese ball, you HAVE to have more of what God is doing! I also love singing this song as loud as I possibly can, telling God from my heart that I will give thanks to Him forever. I usually stop in the middle of this song and just pray, I tell the Lord that no matter what comes about in my life, no matter what season or circumstance I’m in, that I will give thanks to him for what He has done. As you listen to this song just take some time again to tell the Lord what your thankful for. I mean, I love it when people love my gifts at Christmas, I can’t imagine what joy it brings our Daddy’s heart for us to tell him that we love the gifts He has given us!!!

--Your Love Never Fails by Chris Quilala
Ok, I know I’ve said like every single one of these songs is my favorite, but just like every other one…this song really defined my life for a good season. It really reminds me more than anything that God is always the same. His love never changes. It’s pretty reassuring eh? That His love isn’t more when we’re doing great and less when we suck at life? Nope, it’s always the same!!! He’s the same God when we are following close and when we’ve turned our backs. Doesn’t that just make you wanna sing!?!?!? There is a beautiful promise in this song too. It says,
“You make all things work together for my good!”
That’s straight from Romans 8. I’ve learned something about those words, if you really really believe those words, if you let those words sink into your heart, your life will never be the same. It’s easy to sing those and say, “God, your gonna make my life great!” But it’s harder to sing those words when you have no idea what God is doing. But I’ve learned that if you believe those words, following Christ becomes the greatest joy you could ever experience!

--Faithful by Brooke Fraser
So, Brooke is my girl crush. My girl Brooke is INCREDIBLE! Every song she writes literally expresses in beautiful, poetic form EXCATLY what my heart is crying. This song is so raw, so real. It’s such a refreshing break from the “EVERYTHING IS GREAT” music that I hear so much. It’s nice to know that even Brooke sometimes feels like, “Uhh, God? Where in the world are you?” But it’s also great to hear that even when you don’t feel God, it’s still worth it to seek Him! That even in the times when you feel abandoned or forgotten, those are the times when your faith is being refined! I’ve gotten into the habit of “faking it” with God. I guess I’ve just always done that with PEOPLE so it just is natural for me to be fake with the Lord. But it’s so great because God knows me, I can just flat out say, “God, you feel a million miles away.” I don’t have to pretend like everything’s great because, more than me I’m sure, God knows that it’s really not. I love that about this song. It’s really just like….ok God, I don’t see your or feel you or know where you are, but I’m still believing that You are working in me!! That’s how I want to respond to times of dryness, with the confidence that I’m being made more faithful!

--Dance with Me by Chris Quilala
So, I’ve recently discovered that I truly am a hopeless romantic, and that might be why this song really stands out to me. I’m not all that particularly smitten with the song itself, but more with what the Lord showed me through the song. I heard this song for the first time at lifegroup. We were worshiping, and I was praying that God would romance me, captivate me, and draw me deeper into love with Him. This song started playing and I got a vision of myself at a dance.
There were so many people there. All the girls looked so pretty and I was feeling terrible about myself. I didn’t feel beautiful and I was standing on the wall all by myself. I saw the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life, and I was watching Him from behind all the other girls who were laughing and flirting and tossing their hair. They had noticed Him too. I felt so ugly and insecure and I wanted to melt into the wall. All of a sudden this guy, oh man He was so perfect, came walking towards me. My heart started beating really fast but I told myself there was no way He was coming towards me. I didn’t let myself believe that out of all the beautiful girls in the room, He would choose me to dance with. He slowly made His way past each girl in front of me, His eyes looking straight at me. He finally got to where I was standing and put His hand out, asking me to dance!!! Out of every girl there, He had noticed me from across the room. He saw me and said to Himself, “I have to know her, I have to be near her! She is exciting and beautiful and I want to be with her!” And so we danced, and I had the time of my life.
“The King is enthralled by your beauty, honor Him for He is your Lord.”
Psalm 45:11

--Hymn by Brooke Fraser
So here’s my girl Brooke again. This song cannot even be talked about. I’m just gonna let you read the lyrics. There’s nothing more I can say about this song. Let this be your heart’s cry.

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee


--Satisfy by Tenth Avenue North
Yet another song that has frequented my repeat list. I was in a season a few weeks ago where I was just so hungry. I was so unsatisfied with this world and everything around me. I was really frustrated to be completely honest. I felt as if I was seeking the Lord and he wasn’t performing. This song is so simple, the words are so genuine. Simply a prayer, satisfy me Lord! And how many times has that really been my hearts cry? “Lord, this world is pulling my attention a million ways. All I truly want is to be satisfied in only You!” I wrote these lines in my journal on November 30th:
I am falling
Into the pull of the earth
And it’s affection
In me, oh Lord, can you create
A pure heart
Cause I’m afraid
That I just might
Run back to the things I hate
And how true of my life is that? So many times I run to things I KNOW will not satisfy. It’s my prayer, and my prayer for you, that we will look to Jesus to fulfill our every desire, every dream, every longing.
“As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for You, oh God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?”
Pslam 42:1-2

--Beautiful by Melissa How
I’ve never been a big fan of songs that just repeat words over and over, but I’m slowly learning to LOVE them. This is another great song to belt out in the car. I love just dwelling on who God is when I listen to this song. Beautiful is a word I use a lot (if you haven’t noticed through the avid usage in the past few pages) and I feel like it’s the best word to describe truly Jesus. Beautiful is what He has been in my life. Beautiful are his plans for me. The greatest part—He is beautiful, and we are made in His image! How great is that?? Great.

--Divine Explanation by David Dunn
So, this song is terrific. This guy is terrific. (I saw him in concert and OH MY GOSH!!!!!) This isn’t so much a worship song, but I love it. It addresses the basic question that I feel like so many people let keep them from really following Christ. The question of “Why did this happen to me?” God, if you really are loving, why do you let things like this happen? I guess I don’t really have some great revelation to answer this question except to refer to every other song on this list! This song is called Divine Explanation, which to me is just what the answer to the question of “Why” is. It can’t be explained. You have to believe who God is. That’s all there is to it.

--Everyone to Know by Bethany Dillon
Oh baby, I’ve been waiting for 12 songs to talk about this one. I could honestly take a whole page talking about each line of this song. Bethany Dillon is just…mmmmmmm. On November 12 I wrote out every lyric to this song in my journal. THAT’S how epic this song is. I feel like this song really defines what the Christian walk should look like; reflecting on what God has done, and telling everyone about it. She sings of all the things she’s done wrong (all of them I can relate to), all of the things God has done for her, and all the things He promises. Despite the bad things, and because of the amazing things—the passion is stirred to tell EVERYONE of what God has done. Think of what God is to you. Think of what He’s done, who He is, how He has saved you. I can’t imagine living life without the hope I have. I pray that the Lord would awaken a passion in me to see EVERYONE know that hope.
“I’ve thrown punches in the air
chased after love that wasn’t there
I know that only You satisfy.”
My life can be summed up in these words I’d say. Oh Bethany..
*see the acoustic version with Shane Barnard on the “Stop and Listen” CD for a real treat!


So that's my heart. Or at least what I was able to express. There's more. There's oh so much more. Thank you Jesus for music. Thank you for inspiring these terrific artists to sing my heart in beautiful melodies.

worth the wait

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength."
Isiah 30:15

I've grown up being told to wait on the Lord. Like so many other things in my church bubble of a life, this phrase has always been one I've known, but never really understood. I'm sure at one point I've even been the one to wisely give the advice: "Just wait on the Lord, just be patient." All the while...I had no idea WHAT I was telling someone to do. Well, let me let you in on a little secret...I'm super impatient. shhh. I try to wait, honest I do. More than anything, I want the Lord's will for me. More than anything I want to be where God wants me. But sometimes, what I want now, God doesn't really seem to want for me NOW. Sometimes, I believe with my whole heart that I know the Lord's plan or his desires for me... but then they don't happen. Sometimes something seems so good, so right, so from the Lord, and I do it, and it's so wrong. So...how do I wait?? What in the huge wide world does that look like? Am I supposed to sit here with my feet propped up, watching Survivorman and just....wait for God to hit me in the head? What a life eh?? No! Lord..there has to be something more. I am not a girl of inaction. I can't stand to be doing NOTHING. I'm the kind who needs to be moving forward, making progress, walking out my dreams. Ok, so it is true that I am somewhat of a control freak and I MUST do things my way. So that being tue, how do I wait for the Lord?? My heart is so full of passions, so full of desires, so full of dreams that I know are from the Lord. I feel as if God has shown me the end result, but felt it unnecessary to give me a time line. I cannot bear to function apart from these passions He's placed within me, yet I can't seem to function within them now eithr.

I honestly don't even know what I'm waiting for sometims. The Psalms are full of David claiming that he will wait on the Lord. So, David good sir, how did you get it??? What did the Lord show you that I'm failing to see? When you "waited patiently on the Lord and he turned to you and heard your cry," (psalm 40) what in the world does that look like?

So, I would love to say that to tag on to this stream of continual questions and my lack of understanding, that I have some glorious revelation to end on.I regret to say that is not at all the case. All I know is that my Jesus is faithful. My precious Savior has good plans for me. My Daddy is working things out for my good. Maybe thats what it means to wait. Not so much to wait in nothingness...but to wait in action. I guess waiting just equals trusting. Go figure...

My handsome Lover has asked me on date. He tells me it is going to be the most mindblowing night of my life. He tells me to be ready, to look my absolute best. He will pick me up at the perfect time. He tells me to trust Him, I won't be disappointed. Of course, my mind begins to reel. Expectations run wild in my little head. I start to get ready...expecting Him to show up. I'm all ready. I wait. I wait...it should be about time...right? Is He coming? I sit by the window and stare out....looking as far down the road as I can...straining to see His car. Did He forget about me? Did His car break down? Did He find someone better? The questions continue...It's too late now. He's forgotten. I begin to take off my perfect outfit when...I see headlights at the end of the road. He steps out of the car..with roses in His hand. He came for me!!! But how dare He keep me waiting?!? What took so long?? He never answers..He just smiles and says "I'm so glad you were ready, Beloved." And He's right. What if I had gotten back into my PJs, sat on the couch, watching a movie. Sure, I would have been distracted. The waiting would have been a little easier, but when He showed up..I would not have been ready! Had I truly given, how would He have felt? Showing up, seeing my unbelief in His promise? And you see, the best part! Just in the nick of time, just when I was about to give up..He rides in with all His glory. And He does not disappoint.

"No one who waits on the Lord
will ever be put to shame."

deeper

So lately I just have this overwhelming desire to be deep. Ok, so it’s not just so “lately,” it’s always. I so long to be interesting and peculiar. I want to be mysterious and vague, to have so much more beneath the surface. I’m trying to do this through books, music, and blogs. I know that what I’m longing for comes only from You. I just want to be smart and artsy. To sum it up, all I really want to be is desirable. I know that I should seek that ONLY in You and from You. Lord, would you fulfill my desires. Would you come in and fill me beyond what I ever thought possible. I want to be encouraging and joyful and exciting and passionate. Gahh Jesus, is it ever possible for me to be the woman I long to be? Or am I trying to be who you made me to be. I pray that my desires would change. Change them from desiring to be the “perfect” woman to the woman you have called me to be. That’s really what I want. I just have this picture in my head of what a “godly” woman is supposed to look like: confident and assured, passionate and encouraging, prim and proper, humble and sweet. That’s totally not me. I’m so far from the perfect church lady. I’m sometimes negative and outspoken, unsure and apathetic, proud and rude. Lord, can you use even a girl like me? Would you just draw near to me Lord? Would you mold my heart into the woman you would have me be. Teach me to follow you with my whole heart and above all else. Teach me to love and cling to your words. Teach me to seek Your desires over my own. Unite my passions to Yours.

So, I've learned something. As my longing to be a deep, sophisticated woman conquers my thoughts, my real desires are not to be deep. My true desires are to go deep. As my precious Jesus captures my heart more and more, my heart will grow in ways I could not imagine. Jesus--the ultimate romancer--will draw me in deeper. Deeper in love. Deeper in my passions. Deeper.

My soul needed rescue
A hero, it had to be You
I know, You've changed everything

Aimlessless

I have this feeling again. It's the overwhelming, indescribable feeling I get when I'm so unsatisfied being here. My stomach turns and I feel like I can't sit still. I want so much, yet I do so little about it. I feel so lost, where do I even start? I have dreams and visions and passions---yet I feel as if they are put on hold. Fianls! School! Friends! Responsibilities! What are so many things more urgent now? Lord I need a step. I need something concrete. How can I begin to bring these dreams within my grasp. I long for so much more, I don't know where to find it. I cling to Psalm 62 that says
"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
I'm in a time where my soul is seeking, searching, hoping for SOMETHING or SOMEONE to find rest in. That comes from You, Lord. My soul can find rest solely in seeking, searching, and hoping in YOU.
So what does that look like? I've always been a fan of practicality...how do I cling to you Jesus? I know so much in my head, but I've found of recent that the bridge between my head and my heart has fallen.
I was talking to a dear friend of mine recently about the armor of God. We talked about how the Word is our sword, the only offensive weapon we are given. She mentioned that she believed that the Word is also our shield. The more I thought of that, the more I believe it. We use the Word to fight evil. The bible tells that by resisting the devil must flee (James 4:7)..and thats using the Word as a sword. It only becomes our shield when the transfer happens. You know, that movement from the head knowledge of God's word to the heart-felt, dependence and need for the word. When you believe and cling to His word, His promises, His truth, then and only then does the Word become a shield. That's my desire, Lord. To believe Your word in such a way that I can defend myself against the lies that I am aimless. As I seek You, my desires will become ever more meshed with Your desires for me.