just what I need

So, tomorrow is the big day. Or I guess today for that matter. Seems strange, I’ve been dreaming of this day since I was 8 years old. Mozambique. Wow. I have so many expectations for what the Lord is going to do. I can’t even begin….

I woke up this morning expecting for the Lord to do some amazing work in my heart. Something mind-altering…preparing me, speaking some insane word to me of what He had for on this trip. I tried, I really did work real hard to receive…funny how that never works.

Well, in the midst of my great efforts to hear what the Lord had for me, God actually spoke. And it came in the form of many of my old journals. Thank you Jesus.

I forgot how much I really do love to read and remember where the Lord has brought me and what He’s done in my life. This particular page from January 3, 2010 really caught me.

I’m really beginning to see that You have so much more for me than unfulfilled dreams and unmet desires! Your heart is to fill me so fully with Your love that it overflows to the world. I’ve begun to notice thoughts surfacing in my mind that it’s sometimes so much easier not to care. I’ve too often experienced passion being followed closely disappointment. I’ve felt abandoned by you and discouraged by seemingly unanswered prayers. God—I know You are so much bigger than disappointment and discouragement. Open my eyes to what You are doing.
“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.” Lamentations 3:25 (The Message)

I’ve often struggled with this same thing, and it seems like the same issues have come up even recently. Struggling to take the Lord at his word, really having to fight to believe the promises the Lord has spoken, sometimes questioning God’s faithfulness.

It’s so funny, that on the night before I get to experience a dream I’ve dreamed for as long as I can remember--I’ve begged and sought the Lord for this for years--that He would lead me to read that. There have been many times I’ve given up on promises, believed that God had forgotten me. But today, I was reminded of His faithfulness. Not just from stories that I’ve read or heard from others. No, tonight I was reminded of God’s faithfulness in my life. He is so sweet to me, He knows just what I need.

He is sure.
He keeps His word.
His promises are true.
He has always been faithful to me.
He has not abandoned.
He always gives me the sweet reminders I need.



So, as much as I wanted to have some EPIC revelation and something amazingly soul stirring to write, I’m grateful that Jesus knows just what I need. He’s so faithful.


I can’t wait to come home a new woman. I’m believing the Lord for huge things, I’m so expectant!!!

So…until then dear friends!!!! AHHHHHH!

ready now

mmmm...this song has been running through my mind all morning. It's becoming my prayer for my life--the season I'm in, this summer, my soon coming adventure in Africa, my relationships--everything. I'm ready to surrender, I'm let my hands be used, ready for my heart look like the Fathers, ready to let Him do what He will in my life.

insane exchanges

Well, it legitimately feels like summer. Spending all afternoon outside on a day that could easily rival for the most epically beautiful day I've ever experienced seals the deal. This summer is kinda a big deal, not gonna lie. I'm coming off a season of the most growth I've ever experienced, its my first time overseas, my last summer in Abilene, my LAST SUMMER AS A TEENAGER, my first summer not jam packed with events/obligations. I've got some high hopes for what the Lord has for me this summer. I wrote a long list of things I'd like this summer to hold for me the other day...and to sum it all up--I prayed that this summer is one of intentionality and new adventures.


One thing I've come to so love and appreciate about the Lord is the way He is so faithful to make insane exchanges! So many times, I bring him pitiful, gross, and nasty feelings/thoughts/prayers--and God has ALWAYS been certain to take those and replace them with encouragement! Good thing He's got an endless supply of encouragement, for so was the case this afternoon. (I sometimes wonder how in the world He has enough room to keep all the crap I bring to Him..hmmmm) All I could seem to muster today up were feelings of frustration, confusion, discouragement, condemnation, insecurity, and you name it. I was extremely unexpectant of the Lord to meet me, I half way expected Him to leave me wallowing in this huge mess of BLAHHHHHH.

Well, He most certainly DID meet with me, go figure. In the most peculiar way I might add. Not with sweet songs of love or fuzzy feelings of confidence. No, He met me with conviction. GEESSSHHHHH.

I was flipping through my bible praying the Lord would lead me to just the right encouraging Psalm or a feel good verse to pick up my spirit. Well...He lead me to 1 John. So, I don't know how OK this is to say, but I hate 1 John. Always have. So...begrudgingly I flipped to the back of my bible and began reading all about how we must walk as Jesus walked and that we can't love the both world and God. I read about loving not with words but with actions, that if I really love God I will obey all of His commands. CONVICTION MODE MAJOR.

So...where the encouragement came I really couldn't tell you. All I know, is that in the midst of complaining to God how I could NEVER do any of this and explaining to Him how hopeless of a case I am, he gently interrupted me to say "Achhemm, Sweetheart. There is no fear in love. My perfect love drives out fear! You don't have to fear because I love you perfectly!"

Yes, I'm so thankful for chapters 4 and 5 of 1 John. Just a warning to all you lovely people, never attempt reading 1 John without reading the last 2 chapters--for it concludes all the SUPREME CONVICTION of the previous 3 chapters by encouraging us that his commands are not burdensome! That we are God's children! That we overcome the world! That we can confidently approach God!


So Lord, I have seen you faithfully meet me time and time again, even in the midst of my discouragement. You are always sure to replace my crap for encouragement.

"And this is the testimony:
God has given us eternal life,
and this life is in his Son."
1 John 5:11

'Tis so sweet

I could seriously get used to this lifestyle. Wake up whenever I want, spend all the time in the world in the mornings with Jesus, doin a load of laundry here and there, maybe a few dishes, and sit at the computer with my coffee and blueberry muffin browsing for bedroom paraphanilia. MMMMMM....such a nice break from the consistent runasfastasIcanandfitasmuchintoonedayashumanlypossible kind of life I had been leading over the past...well EVER! For the first time in as long as I can remember, I LITERALLY have nothing to do today. Thank you Jesus!

As much as I've been running and doing and constantly needing people around all the time, there is something extremely refreshing about being at home, all by myself, and actually enjoying it! There's such a contrast between "aloneness" when I'm away from home and "aloneness" when I'm at home. I'm not sure why/how/what that means, but for the first time in MONTHS I'm enjoying having hours and hours alone. I think I think I'll just credit it to the fact that I'm finally finding satisfaction in CHRIST alone...hehe. Whatever it is...the view from where I'm sitting today has been extremely charming.

I'm so enjoying life, learning what it means to trust Jesus with the everyday stuff, taking Him at His word and practicing rejoicing in obedience.

The words of this beautiful hymn can quite possibly sum up my heart today very nicely. Written by an incredible woman who we could all learn a lesson about trusting Jesus from.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

"Blessed is the man
who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him."
Jeremiah 17:7

love your mommy

I have thoroughly enjoyed this video time and time again. So...in honor of all the amazing moms out there smile and laugh along with my good friend Taylor and his mommy.

Enjoy!!!

And love your mom today!!

as I wait for You

There's a feeling I'm becoming more familiar with these days. I couldn't describe it to you...I could point to the exact spot in my belly where I feel it. I haven't decided yet whether it's pleasant or not. All I know...is the Lord always follows this feeling with deep heart revelation. So..I'm waiting. Lord...what is this feeling!?!?

Psalm 16 has been the only sanity I can cling to it seems.

"You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
Psalm 16:11

I believe it. Even if it's not happening now, God I don't know what the path of life is, but I believe that He will show me. I am believing to be filled with joy.

I'm believing Lord that You are the revealer of all things, even the hidden things in my heart. That my heart is hidden in Yours. You know my heart, you know me, even when I don't.

So in the midst of this "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIHAVENOIDEAWHATSGOINGONINMYHEARTRIGHTNOW" feeling...the beautiful voice of the lovely Brooke Fraser come drifting through the speakers at Mugwalls. Thank you Jesus for the beautiful reminder.

Enjoy.

procrastination at its finest!

Yes, this is the week of finals. And YES! I have totally blogged more and studied less the past week than probably every other week in my whole life. Balllllllin.

I'm here trying to study..honest to goodness I am. But Sam dropped his pen in the dark abyss of the random hole in the DTR chair and we had a mild adventure trying to fish it out with straws. Oh, and we tried to catch a deadly lizard and almost died. We're so granola.

So---here's your to do list for this week. Yes you...just do it.
1. Buy the Shane and Shane CD "Everything is Different" and listen to it constantly.
2. Call one friend who you miss alot and haven't talked to in at least 2 months.
3. Have a dance party in your car...friends are optional.
4. Wear your favorite outfit
5. Turn your cell phone off for an hour. I promise, if I can do it you can too.
6. Laugh really hard
7. Bake something delicious!
8. Take a deep breath, and remember how much fun life is!!!


I promise...I'll do them all if you will. Actually...I'll do them all anyway.

"This is the day that the Lord has made,
let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
Psalm 118:24

Change is Change!

Beautiful day! What am I doing sitting inside in front of a computer screen when the sunshine is oh so inviting..? Oh wait...i forgot about the 14 million pages of notes I have that I'm currently NOT studying. Even so, the window next to me is helping to lift my spirits a bit. As does the angelic voice of Regina Spektor.

Life has been full of interesting lessons, growth, frustrations and joys as of late. What a beautiful Jesus I have! I love the way that He writes my story, romances me with the sweetest things, and whispers precious secrets to me. I have never loved my life more or more looked forward to waking up in the mornings to see what new things I will learn about Him.

Recently, God has really been convicting me about litter. Twice this week I've awkwardly creeped up and picked up some trash that someone right in front of my has dropped. I spent like 5 extra minutes at the park yesterday picking up random trash from all over a field. Now, please don't hear this as "Oh what a excellent citizen I am!" but simply that...there's deep conviction in my heart for this!

But why?? What's the big deal Lord? What are you trying to teach me?

I heard Him say, "Lauren, I want you to leave places better than how you found them."

So wow, I took that literally for a while and continued my trash picking up duty. But then, I realized that God has called me to so much more than that! Yes, it's one thing to leave a place cleaner that it was when I was there, but I want to change it all!
I want rooms to be a more positive environment than it was before I was there.
I want to walk away from each person I interact with knowing that they are more encouraged than when we first interacted.
I want to be intentional in every situation to make a positive change in some way.

So, with this goal in mind, I will continue to pick up every scrap of I pass, love people consistently enough that they know they will be encouraged by me, and smile enough to change the atmosphere of the room.






It may be small....but I won't despise the day of small things!!
Change is change!

what I cannot see

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are being wasted away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

GESHHH. That's pretty much all I can bring myself to say.

The past few weeks have been so far from fixing my eyes on the unseen. It's more been...figuring out whats right in front, worrying about the next item on my agenda, a constant stream of details running through my head. GO GO GO GO GO GO! THINK THINK THINK THINK! DO DO DO DO! AHHHHHHHHH. Yep, Paul got it right when he said we are outwardly wasting away. Welcome to my life.

I'm a bit dramatic I'd say...ehh...yeah. So I have long convinced myself that my "light and momentary troubles" are the exception. Paul had NO idea how hard my life is, how busy I am, how many responsibilities I have thrown at me. Light and momentary my butt..no...MY problems are MASSIVE!!! ha.

Funny story--my troubles are far from massive.

So...my mission here is to figure out the being "inwardly renewed day by day." THAT is what sounds good here. SO how in the world does that happen???

Welp, if we are supposed to fix our eyes on what is unseen, that pretty much means...nothing I'm fixing my eyes on now. So..every worry, stress, and anxiety I have now---off limits. No focusing on those Lauren. Everything..even if now I think is good...is gonna be overshadowed by the SPECTACULARNESS of things to come.

So, I'm coming to learn that the things that are right in front of me--the things I think about most--are far outweighed by the things I can't see--the things the Lord has for me. So basically...my life can only get better. Things that are great now, can only be greater. Waiting for what God has only brings the absolute best!!!!

ummm...that excites me!!! The fact that I can, no, I'm commanded to trade every anxious thought for something glorious the Lord has in store for me, something I can't even see. And, by trusting that....and by unfurrowing my brow a bit and saving myself from years of wrinkles, I'M GETTING RENEWED!

yeauh yeauh yeauh. Thank you Jesus.