i won't despise

well, another monday. another beginning to a seemingly endless week. or at least, those were my thoughts waking up this morning. I've found it hard in the midst of a dreadfully dull couple of weeks to find joy and excitement in much of anything. It's hard to find refreshment when it seems like nothing new or fresh is anywhere to be found.

But, thank you Jesus that when hope can't be found, You are the Giver of all good things. And even when all seems hopeless, hope is never far off.

In the midst of all this blandness, I had such a restless spirit. I long for so much more than typical and mediocre, yet those are the only two words I can think of to define the season I'm in. So, I guess I was expecting the only way for anything to change would be some huge, crazy revelation or a major work of God, or maybe a mind blowing experience that will change the course of my life forever. Well, if you've lived for more than 2 years, you know that's not always the case.

A recent look at the life of Nehemiah shows that life is made up in the majority of just walking day by day. I'm sure Nehemiah would not have been opposed in anyway to a huge work or marvelous miracle from God in which all the walls of Jeruselam suddenly reappeared with all the trimings in a massive combustion. But, instead, he chose to diligently work little by little, and to still believe that despite all appearances of God's uninvolvement, He was not far off. His plans were still sure, and his promises were worth depending on.

And so, I wrestled with this. "Ok, Jesus, if step by step is how You've called me to live now, I'll suffer through until I finally get to a season of growth and revelation and excitement!" Hmm..well...I still wasn't satisfied.

On my way to work this morning, I put my ipod on shuffle, asking the Lord to play just what I needed to hear. Funnny. The beautiful voice of Alli Rogers makes its way into my car. Here are the lyrics to the song.

I am afraid of beginning,
cause I don't know how to end.
But you told me that the mountain before us
would become a plain in our eyes.
So I won't despise,
I won't despise the day,
I won't despise the day of small things.

Even when you tell me
oh, even then I'm shaking

Cause I am afraid of believing,
The plans that we make seem so big.
But you've shown me that we're never alone,
and your spirit will stay by our side.
So I won't despise,
I won't despise the day,
I won't despise the day of small things.

Goodness. It's so funny that the 15 millionth time you hear a song can mean more than it did the first. The song is based on a verse in Zechariah that asks, "Who despises the day of small things?" I've read the passage before, and just glanced over it. But it came this time directed right at me, "Lauren, are you despising this day of small things?" Well, yeah, as a matter of a fact I am. And man, that is NOT at all what I want to be doing. I'm desiring only the fabulous end product, the perfect ending, the grand finale, the finished wall of Jeruselam, but despising the small beginnings, the steps to get there, the process, the slow monotonous building. Nehemiah would call me a fool I'm sure.

So, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna follow Nehemiah's lead. I'm gonna start from the ground up. I won't let the fear of beginning hold me back. I'm going to take the Lord at His word; that His plans are real, that He's involved, that He's excited, and begin building. Brick by brick. One hand with a sword if I have to. Building, and rejoicing in the day of small things!



Because, all big things started out small. mmmmmhmmmmmmmmm!!