I am a proud new owner of a beautiful, 60 foot long slackline. Ahhhh yeuah.
Which is totally beside the point.
So I am so longing to be challenged. Massive growth has been typical in my life over the past weeks...and I felt like I had kinda stopped with the acceleration and begun to coast. NO FUN!
Well, hello challenge.
Jennifer Toledo is a normal girl. Well actually..she is so not. If you want your faith rocked, your life shaken, and your understanding of God's power to be blown away...listen to her testimony immediately. You know you have an hour to spare.
heburnsforme.com
Let me just tell you fellow bloggers, my life is radically changed by her story.
But after listening, I was still fighting some discouragement. Sure, my faith was built by her testimony, my mind was blown, but a part of me wonders where I fit into that. I know that God has called me to a life like hers, a life of extravagant obedience and passionate killing of my own will. A life marked by authority and walking in surrender to God. But I'm not seeing that. When I look at my life, I don't see a woman taking authority of darkness, sickness and pain. I don't see a passionate, single-minded individual seeking God at all costs. I don't see absolute obedience.
hmmm...challenge?
And if that isn't enough!! The Lord has a way of blasting full on when He wants to blast eh? Ben Stuart BROUGHT IT at Breakaway...challenging us to live a life of adventure. MMMMMM! Doesn't that sound fun?!?! Who really wants a bland life of doing the "Christian thing" for a couple decades? Not I, I know that much. Something stirred inside of me. A passion I can't even begin to explain. I must stop letting my prideful will rule. I must surrender to my Savior. Joy and fullness can be found no other way.
So, with all this in mind, I said "Well God, I don't know what the heck to do now!" And, like He does so many times, (frustratingly enough) He answered my question with another question, 15 of them actually.
"Are you called to just live, or to live in fullness?"
"What is your life going to be about?"
"What is your heart passionate about?"
"Are you living a life full of passion?"
"Do you know your true identity?"
"Are you walking like you know who you are?"
"What will it take to live a radical life?"
"Are you ok with a mediocre life?"
"Are you willing to obey me no matter what?"
"Do you believe that your life could truly make a difference?"
"Will you receive MY calling for your life?"
"Are you consistently choosing MY highest for your life?"
"Are you letting MY plans be sovereign to your will?"
"What will it take for you to be fully satisfied in ME?"
"What is your motivation?"
Well, this is all a bit overwhelming. Where do I go from here?
Is my life really marked for greatness? Or is that just a petty hope I need to put to the side. Should I just go ahead and prepare myself to settle for a decent life, or do I let my hopes grow, imagining the greatest life God could have for me? Is it possible? Could He really use me?
Of course not, right?
And He spoke to me and said,
"[Daughter], stand up on your feet and I will speak to you."
Ezekiel 2:2
So I stood, and He spoke to me and said,
"Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39
And so...today I died.
And now I will live.
Regarding your statement: When I look at my life, I don't see a woman taking authority of darkness, sickness and pain. I don't see a passionate, single-minded individual seeking God at all costs. I don't see absolute obedience.
ReplyDeleteJoshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Do not feel guilty for not seeking God at all costs, but do not be lazy either. Your passion for God can be seen in your writing. You are asking the right questions, perhaps you are just in a time of waiting. Waiting for the right door to open up. When you figure out how your passion can serve God, sometimes you have to make the best of what you have, other times a door will open, and when that door opens, you better get your behind in there.